God, Erin, you're brilliant. "The writing life" particularly busted me up. I wrote, many years, all for nothing.
My favorite rejection letter so far went something like: "Dear Author, Thank you for submitting to ___ magazine but your piece did not fit our requirements. Due to the volume of submissions we receive, we are unable to respond with individual feedback. However, most submissions are rejected because they are unoriginal and uninteresting, and this is most likely the reason your piece was rejected. Signed, Editor (bad photocopy signature). I don't remember the words perfectly, but I'm not exaggerating.
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